It has been a rollercoaster of emotions over here. I can hardly recall how life use to be. I started writing this blog and just deleted a whole paragraph it was of all the things that are missing due to quarantine. Everything i miss and mourn the loss of. Instead I am going to tell you what good happened here. I love love watching my kids in their activities. I fiercely miss my sport parents and the thrill of watching them play. I usually stay at the practices and sketch in a corner. We were excited about Spring season and plans. If I am at all honest the before quarantine days are non stop shuffling four kids to four activities. It is kind of nice to have the whole day to ourselves together. Well now what? How can I use this to be positive? How do we all adjust to this new routine. I won't lie in the beginning I felt we were falling off a cliff barely hanging on. Four kids on zoom at the same time is not fun. Four kids wanting me to help them and not understanding how to upload their work is no fun. We have gotten a rhythm some how. We still have our days don't we all. The calendar was non stop before. The household work was nonstop. I was trying to get my website done and trying to find some time for myself but it was impossible before. Fastforward to where we are now. The household work is still nonstop but I do get help because everyone is home. We are still serving meals constantly my home is a 24 hour diner that never shuts. The running around outside of our home has stopped. I have to say some of it has been good.
I noticed my husband talking to the kids and having more time with them. Instead of leaving early in the morning and coming home at 6 or 7 or 7:45 late night. He can eat dinner with us well now he can eat breakfast lunch and dinner together. When has that happened before???? Never even on a weekend because we would be on different fields with different kids in different activities. This is a blessing I won't overlook it. I enjoyed getting up and instead of rushing and yelling trying to get kids out the door on time and shoving a breakfast bar down. We have time to sit plan out our day and not rush breakfast.
I didn't have to run out to twelve different places. This pandemic is teaching me. Instead of focusing on how it has taken things away. I am trying to see it alternating my life in a better way.
I set up my art space. The kids set up their virtual learning spaces and my husband is having some time to himself. Unfortunately he was laid off. I know it sets fear and panic but I am hoping it allows him to come up for some air and breathe. After working non stop his whole life since he was ten years old he deserves a break. Of course he is not taking one, who ever does when they are laid off? You immediately go into job-hunting mode and panic. Even with that uncertainty over our heads I was determine to lean on that there is a reason for this all. Good will come out of it. I have my breakdowns I am normal I have two children with compromised lungs. The uncertainty of it all. The news is hard to bear the social media is hard to bear. the nonstop pointing fingers and tone of all the remarks are just unkind. The no mask wear a mask debate the political back and forth. I don't know if anyone will learn anything if a pandemic can't bring people together what can? I try to stay clear of all the negativity and realize everyone copes in their own way.
I did and I am still doing all the precautions. Groceries are delivered I then deliver groceries to my parents. I know how strict we are being with quarantine and they are too. I feel somewhat better now the routine is down. I decided to use my grandmother's phrase "Busy hands are better then idle hands." She is right I got my website done. I published it I put it out there for the world. I organized my art workspace. I opened back up my society6 shop. I put myself out there and offered personal commission work.
I finished my first piece and that piece got me another commissioned work. I found a shift in my attitude.
I submitted a art piece for the town. I am trying these days to see what we have gained. My children are all a year apart and they see how lucky they are to have siblings so close in age. I am realizing what do we really need in life??... for me it is to be loved and healthy and to have each other. when the days are seeming ground hoggish and never ending. I try to focus on what is it that makes us happy for my daughter it is playing soccer, another one it is training the dog the other one programming a game and drawing. I am trying to be kind to myself and others as we all are trying to process this new way of life for what it is. For me it is a chance to really look at all I have to be thankful for and try not to take that for granted.